We were running late, one not able to find socks to wear, and we went rushing out the door. We hop in the van, and it cranked, thank the Lord. It had been raining, and the windows were terribly fogged to the point that I had to roll down the windows, back up slowly, and pray that no one was coming. I didn't have time for it to clear. As I'm easing through the parking lot, I realize that my headlights won't work. I then turn on my window defroster, to no avail. It isn't working. Now, mind you, I have been driving the van without air conditioning for years now, sucking it up and suffering, but no defroster? No heat? Not good. It can't be driven without these things, not safely at least.
Between this and the water that now pours from my dash into the floorboard of my van, I have pretty much had it with this thing. I called Ken and vented, which didn't go well, because he forgets that a woman just has to cry and fuss sometimes and takes it as an attack on his lack of mechanical skills. It just broke me. My 1997 minivan kicked my butt.
I pouted all morning. I was angry that I can't afford even a minivan that won't pour water on my feet as I drive. I was aggravated that I can't even expect heat for my children or a clear windshield to drive. I then began to get angry about other things. I don't make enough money. I live in an apartment. I don't have health insurance. Wah, wah, wah... That van just pushed me over the edge, when all I really wanted to do was push it over a ledge.
I sulked around, doing my job as well as I could, and it finally reached lunch time. I walked into the teachers' work room, and while I was waiting on my lunch to heat, I glanced at a table that I had never even noticed. On this table was a small container of notecards. The card on the top read:
"Lord, help me always to look to you in any difficult situation, knowing that whatever my need, you will in some way supply it."
Wow. A word from the Lord, right there on the table. I picked up that card and turned it over, and it read on the back:
"Because he hath set his love upon me, therefore will I deliver him; I will set him on high, because he hath known my name. Psalm 91:14"
I picked up that card and put it in my pocket, knowing that whoever put it there would want me to have it at that moment. Shame on me for being human, but what a great reminder that God knows just what we need just when we need it.
Now, if I happen to go outside in the parking lot and find that someone has stolen my van and replaced it with a slightly newer model, I will be ecstatic. In the mean time, I will remind myself that God will supply my need in some way in His time.