For many years now, my alarm clock has gone off at God-awful times in the morning so that I may run the daily race of accomplishing all that a wife and mother must do. These days, the alarm sounds at 5:20, and it's truly like the gun at the starting line has just gone off in my head. I know that if I don't jump up, get in the shower, and continue running, somehow my schedule will be thrown off and something won't get done on time. This is why the following is so puzzling to me.
Ken (husband) was so angry this morning. For our entire married lives of 20 years, he has had multiple alarms that sound in the morning. However, when he hears them, well, he either doesn't hear them or chooses to ignore them. So, this morning, at 6:20, I lovingly said, in my loudest without disturbing the neighbors voice, "YOU WOULD THINK A 44 YEAR OLD MAN COULD GET UP WITHOUT HIS MOTHER TELLING HIM 10 TIMES!!!" (Grace is my daughter's middle name, not mine.) He finally rolled himself out, and he started busting around like there was no tomorrow. He said, "how does my alarm just not go off?!!!" Um, it did. Just like every other morning of our lives. You just didn't get up like always! No, I didn't say it, but I was thinking it. Listen, for years I have gotten myself up by 5:30, gotten myself ready, cooked breakfast, helped 4 daughters get ready, gotten things together, and headed out the door. I can count on just a couple of fingers how many times my children have been "tardy" for school. I'm not bragging, because it is not on my own power that I do anything, but it is beyond me how I can do all that and still have to help Ken get out the door!
Please don't think I'm man-bashing, and those of you that know me know that I love my husband dearly, but please tell me I am not alone in this. I have a friend that I used to work with that would get so aggravated because she had to cook breakfast for her kids. You see, her husband usually gets up, wakes the kids up, brings her coffee and a poptart to the bed, wakes her up, starts the shower for her, and then cooks breakfast for the kids and takes them to school. SHUT UP! Are you kidding me? If that happened in my house, I would wake up terrified because it would mean there was a strange man in my home and he has Ken tied in a closet somewhere! Then, if I rubbed my eyes for a second look and saw that it was Ken, I would be sure that it was INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS in South Carolina!!
Years ago when we were first married, before children, we lived in a cozy apartment. Ken worked at UPS in the preload division, and he had to basically get up in the middle of the night to go to work. I didn't, however, but he had 4 alarm clocks. One of those clocks was one of those old time wind up jobs that had the bells on top. It would clang clang clang so hard that it would almost make me throw up when it went off. To make things worse, Ken kept it across the room so that he would have to get up to turn it off. (Thinking that maybe it would KEEP him up. WRONG.) Guess who ended up turning it off most of the time? I can't remember if it was the third or fourth clock to go off, but one night it just hit me totally wrong. I had it. That clang, clang, clang had that clock jumping around on the dresser. I jumped up, grabbed the clock, and threw it as hard as I could at Ken. It missed his head, thank goodness, and it busted into about 5 pieces against the wall. Mission accomplished. Notice I have since learned to use my words to express my anger.
I was watching Annie one day, and there is one part of the movie that a man dances in with flowers in hand, and he gracefully gives them to Annie. I said, "I wish a man would dance into the room and give me flowers." Here's the funny thing, a man like that would drive me crazy. Maybe it's because I'm not accustomed to it. If I had someone waiting on me hand and foot, I would probably make fun of him for not being more of a man. So, you may ask, what do you want? Flowers? Breakfast? Peace, love, and joy? Nope. I just want my man to get up when his alarm clock sounds. Maybe when he turns 45?