After re-reading my previous blog several times, I felt I needed to clarify a few things. Darnit, there I go guilting myself again...
My feeling of suddenly needing to take care of myself does not mean at all that I'm becoming selfish in my obligations to others. I just feel that I'm actually setting a bad example in not valuing myself and my time, and I really need to do better at that. I don't want my daughters to grow up feeling obligated to everyone and martyring themselves for those around them, so I have to do a better job of taking care of me.
I also realize that 18, 15, and 10 years old are not grown up ages of children. I mean, I'm still Mom, but I need to tweak what that now means in the lives of my kids. As for my husband, he's a big kid for sure, but he's still my husband. I couldn't change him 20 years ago when we got married, and he couldn't change me, and neither of us have that power today. God is God, and all of that stuff is His job.
Next, the young people that I spoke of will always be so precious to me, and I will be there in a heartbeat when they need me. I simply feel that they have lots of Godly support now, and that blesses my heart beyond explanation. It's a God thing for sure, but nothing could ever change this motherly love and protectiveness that I have for them both. (You know who you are!) They are my family too.
Now, the main thing that I was trying to get across is that I have to quit trying to do things on my own power, because somewhere along the way I took over things from God that I had previously given to Him. That's not cool at all. I have to focus more on God Himself instead of what is going on around me or what I think He may want me to do. Fact is, if I keep my eyes on Him, I will see what He wants me to do. I'm just thankful that God is a God of love and forgiveness, and that He's up there laughing at me right now, but lovingly. He knows that I'm trying and making progress, and He's ready with His arms open wide to take back what is rightly His. I just have to release it and let Him handle it, and I have to rely on His power. I have to do a better job at casting my cares upon Him. I also need to rediscover my joy and quit letting things around me steal it away from me.
Maybe if I get things straight soon, I can write some lighthearted, whimsical goofy stuff for all to enjoy. It's in here somewhere, it's just been bogged down for a while. Thank you, Lord for removing all this "schtuff" so that I can bask in the joy and share it. There, I feel better already.